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 Post subject: The War Of The Races
PostPosted: Sat Mar 04, 2006 2:45 pm 
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I am he whose name you whisper to your children in the dark I am he who you fear, I am the Prince of Darkness, Lord of the Night, I am he who follows the lord Sekhmet God of war and chaos. I am Sylvan Elshan last of the forgotten race of Dark-Elves. I have come back to reclaim that which is mine, I am the rightful heir of Silvanesti and I long for the day when my sword shall puncture the heart of the treacherous Lhile, he who killed my father Donte Elshan.
But first I must tell you how it all lead to this. Ancient Hall of Elders, the name might sound familiar to many, but not many people have had the privilege of setting foot on its holy grounds or the privilege of setting their eyes upon it. It is here that my story begins; it was a quiet afternoon when burglar stole a holy document which told of the history of the greatest known magical item of Ăluera, the Sword of Kas, (the sword which is said could slay thousands with a swing, I have not seen it with my own eyes so I do not believe such tales), the item was stole by The Death Brothers, the burglars name was Androsi an elf with a knack of escape, why he stole this great item shall never be known till later on. Rumors flew that the Scroll of Kas had been stolen by Androsi and that his brother Aidan (the Elvin name for swift fire) had helped him escape, (it is not the first time that the two brothers have stolen something, but even they have not dare to steal something of such great importance, leading us to believe they did it for an higher purpose).
And so we enter the quiet pub of Tarsonis, where we meet two unusual characters Stryke Spawn an Orc who isn’t a brute and Sylvan Elshan a Dark-Elf (which race are rarely seen outside their home land of Xchantarius).
“Where is my bloody drink?” shouted Stryke, (for it is known that Orcs have a short temper and love to drink).
“Hold your temper it will be here in a few” Sylvan told Stryke in a calm voice.
“Bah, this must be the worst pub in all Ăluera” grumbled Stryke
Sylvan nodded, used to Stryke battering and complaints, he didn’t think much of it.
“Quite the weather, isn’t it Stryke”.
“Enough about the weather and more about my drink, but yeah the weather has been fairly strange, it’s the middle of the summer and yet it’s snowing, strange stuff I tell yah,” said Stryke “where that’s bloody drink I ordered”
Sylvan smiled knowing his friends attitude very well.
“Your drink will be here very soon”.
The door burst open and three strange figures walked into the room, they wore long hooded clothing and it seemed that the other two where guards, they walked slowly and alertly behind the first figure. The first figure walked as though he was of royalty, the three strange figures walked to the bar and the first stranger whispered something to the bartender.
“Who do you suppose those people are” whispered Stryke.
“Beats me, but I bet the one leading the pack is of some importance, best we keep to ourselves for right now, don’t want any trouble.”
After a short while a grim looking gully dwarf came to their table carrying a tray with a bottle of wine and a glass of beer.
“Its about time my drinks got here I was starting to wonder if this was the right place to come in the first place” said Stryke
“Like I said, your drinks were on their way” Sylvan said with a triumphant smile”.
After finishing their drink Sylvan and Stryke went to their bunks, after a few hours of making sure that Stryke was fast asleep, Sylvan put on his clothes and went back downstairs, he went straight for the hooded figures and sat down.
“Fancy seeing you here” exclaimed Sylvan.
“I see you are still with that oaf of a soldier” said the first strange figure.
“I am with who I choose, and he is more of a soldier than I can say for most” said Sylvan glancing at the other two strangers.
Smiling, the strange figure says “I don’t think you will be in such good humor after I tell you what I came to say, my father Lord of this land wishes you to be gone from here, it is said that wherever you go you bring nothing but death and destruction.
“And you of all people believe in such tall tales” Sylvan said with a smile.
“I believe what is best for my land”
“And I thought it was your fathers land” Sylvan said with a retorical smile
“I am heir therefore it is my land as well”
“Enough about politics” Sylvan said with a smile “well since you have said what you came here to say. I take that you will be taking your leave now?”
“Not quite, it is ordered that I escort you and your companion to the edge of the border”
“I don’t need anyone watching over me or my companion”
“Seems that my father thinks otherwise”
Sylvan with a fierce look drew his sword and pointed it at the strange figures throat, the once loud bar became silent, all eyes where on the two figures standing at the table in corner of the bar.
“You will tell your father what I have told you, and if I may refresh your memory it is that I will leave without the help of his men,” said Sylvan with a very dark gaze in his eyes.
“As you wish it said the strange figure, and may I add my father doesn’t take commands very well, I am sure he will not be pleased about this” said the strange figure.
The other two strangers got up to their feet but as soon as their sword where drawn, Stryke came into the bar from upstairs.
“Is there a problem here Sylvan?” said Stryke.
“Not at all these men where just taking their leave and Lhile next time, you insult me as you did tonight it shall be the last thing you do.”
“Big words for someone who doesn’t have a home or an army to back it up, and I say it again if I come back here and you are not gone you will be bound by the laws of Qualensti.”
“The laws of Qualensti, the same laws that sentenced your brothers too death.” Whispered Sylvan “and yes I know all about his death and how you and your father made it seem as though he died an heroic death, he died a death no man in this world would wish for, he got the edge of your sword for helping those who need him most.” Sylvan told Lhile with a very grim look on his face “now I ask you to leave and so you shall.”
“My brother got that in which he deserved, he lowered himself to the stature of a peasant, he was not befitting of a prince” with a snap of his finger the two figures where at Lhile side “I guess I will take my leave now”
All eyes where on Lhile and his two guards as they left the bar. As soon as the door of the bar closed the once noiseless bar was bustling once more and with people gossiping and talking about what they just saw.
“Why didn’t you tell me he was going to be showing up?” exclaimed Stryke in a somewhat hurt voice.
“Didn’t want to draw you into this, if I had Lhile would probably be dead by now don’t you think” Sylvan exclaimed with a smile.
"Still don't see why you wouldn't tell me. Well im of to bed, anything you forgot to mention before I go?."
"Nope."
And so ends chapter one of The War Of The Races

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"You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. "
Mahatma Gandhi


Last edited by Samius on Sat Mar 04, 2006 2:50 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 04, 2006 2:46 pm 
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Srry its long and this is the first story ive ever wrote lol im not used to writing everything all squished up lol hope you all enjoy :P and Yeah id like a few comments :P :twisted: feel free to lash out im pretty sure i can take it :P (id like some good comments too :P)

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"You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. "
Mahatma Gandhi


Last edited by Samius on Fri Mar 10, 2006 1:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 4:40 pm 
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I like it :D , inns dark elfs hooded figures.
yup i realy like this (so im not the only dark elf( NOT drow) that follows sekhmet)

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Phalanxyrian Blackhand
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PostPosted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 4:30 pm 
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Joined: Tue Nov 16, 2004 6:30 pm
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Golem rule :twisted:

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 29, 2006 2:24 pm 
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Golem Die By My Hand :twisted:

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"You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. "
Mahatma Gandhi


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2006 7:44 am 
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The background story I like, but the entire thing seems written in a hurry. Take some time (story wise) to pace things and work on how its written (that includes grammar/punctuation etc). You can write a page and still have it be the same moment, but itll all be clearer then. A big part of this is getting rid of the parentheses and just making them into a sentence or two explaining things. Youre also switching the point of view 3 times. First its 1st person (I), then as an intro you create a 3rd person narrator (And so "we" enter the...) and then in the rest its almost all dialogue (which you can elaborate on with describing posturing, the scenery, facial expressions etc) where you refer again to Sylvan in standard 3rd person.

I hope this helps you..

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~Silvanos Rosvalin, Lux Sapientiae and the High Lord of Hosts~


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Apr 01, 2006 12:04 am 
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Silvanos wrote:
The background story I like, but the entire thing seems written in a hurry. Take some time (story wise) to pace things and work on how its written (that includes grammar/punctuation etc). You can write a page and still have it be the same moment, but itll all be clearer then. A big part of this is getting rid of the parentheses and just making them into a sentence or two explaining things. Youre also switching the point of view 3 times. First its 1st person (I), then as an intro you create a 3rd person narrator (And so "we" enter the...) and then in the rest its almost all dialogue (which you can elaborate on with describing posturing, the scenery, facial expressions etc) where you refer again to Sylvan in standard 3rd person.

I hope this helps you..
Dr. Silvanos Rosvalin, Lux Sapientiae of the Concilium Veritatis has spoken!!

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Dr. Zidane of The Forsaken


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 01, 2006 7:27 pm 
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Thnx Silvanos, since im going to make this a hobby im glad for everyones help and yeah i did kind of write it in a hurry :p but i wrote in style of the books ive read and anywho since you have written more stories and prolly will write more stories than me ill take what you said to heart

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"You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. "
Mahatma Gandhi


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jun 15, 2006 4:34 pm 
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Looks good :)
Can't wait till the second part.
Greetings

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And a new load of usefull information by dyona ^.^...=P


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2006 12:20 am 
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Men this thing kinda went dead lol -.- ill write the second part since it is summer and there isn't anything to do atm. Ill have my cousin help e and you get to learn more about stryke and sylvans past but not really sure what path to take after that :P

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"You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. "
Mahatma Gandhi


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