Dark Legacy MUD Forum

A Man's Rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the
rules from the male side. These are their rules!
Please note. these are all numbered "1"
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
2. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
3. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
4. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
5. Crying is blackmail.
6. Learn to work the toilet seat.You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving t down.
7. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
8. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
9. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
10. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
11. Check your oil! Please.
12. If you think you're fat, you probably are.Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
13. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
14. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
15. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it.
16. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
17. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
18. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
19. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
20. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
21. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
22. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks, or nothing.
23. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Funny *i actually like it*

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anyone can buy condoms.

Anything I said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.

Anything you wear is fine. Really.

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if I can find the perfect present yet again!

Check the water, air and oil! Please.

Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

Come to me with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what I do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

Consider golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.

Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.

Don't ask me what I'm thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lent, shotgun shells, saddle soap and monster trucks.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Don't fake it. I'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

Don't give me 50 rules when 25 will do.

Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different; it's just like every other cat. (Yeah you, Cat lady!) Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.

I own two pairs of cowboy boots - what makes you think I'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

If I ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," I will act like nothing's wrong. I know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If it itches, it will be scratched. I do that.

If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask me. I refuse to answer.

I'm not a mind reader and never will be. My lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little I care about you.

It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz in Cosmo together.

Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

No, I don't know what day it is. I never will. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on the calendar. Remind me frequently beforehand.

Peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. I'm bound to miss sometimes.

Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. Department stores and malls were designed so that when you want to look at bed linen, shower curtains or handbags, there are always some speakers, tires or sporting equipment nearby.

Sometimes, I'm not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty, and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to every question.

You can either ask me to do something OR tell me how you want it done - not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

You don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls; don't expect me to act like soap opera guys. If you must take us with you into Victoria's Secret, never, ever leave us alone. All the old fat ladies make mean faces at us and only add to our discomfort.

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes.

Your brother is an idiot; your ex-boyfriend is an idiot, and your dad's way past idiot.

Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.

BAH! my ex boyfriend told me that once. Boy was I mad at him.............

rofl

Two things:



About the shotgun formation: I find it amusing the New Zealander talks about said formation. Do you even know what the shotgun formation is, and what are it's advantages?

Also, are you talking about the traditional formation, one back, two back; what? I personally love the one back set. The zone read pwns you. And on that note: Go Texas Longhorns!



I disagree, as it really depends on the facial structure of the person. My girlfriend has a chubby face [one that I adore mind you], and has short hair. This is the way to go. If you have a fat face, go for short hair; it'll frame your face better. If you have a thin face, go for long hair as this is the way of beauty. NEVER go for long hair if you have a fat face; it'll make your face look even fatter.

Chubby faces are cute. Fat faces aren't. Teh short hair pwns.

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes.


I have a crap load of shoes and clothes (so i guess that should role both ways)

Yes, beer IS a food group.

dude i didnt write those:P

Aww... I almost thought you liked the best. sport. ever. American football.

Ah yes, number 17, I live by that one

Interesting Kiasyn. Nice post =P

American football stinks

Nuu

Yeseeeeeees

Football owns all! (not american football, real football)

regular football sucks, its so boooooooring =/
american football rules!! ^^

Bah, you are a fool. Football (Manchester United specifically) rock hard. REALLY hard.

I disagree on the short hair statement. Short hair tends to work well on a select group of women. Mostly women with thin oval shaped heads. i.e. Jada Pinkett, Halle Berry, Angelina Jolie, Meg Ryan, Sharon Stone, Winona Ryder, Brittany Murphy, Cameron Diaz, Claire Danes, etc.

Women with chubby round faces do NOT look good with short hair. It's a proven fact. It draws way too much attention to the fact that they have chubby round faces, hence longer hair (below the shoulder line) is the way to go. i.e. Kirsten Dunst (cute girl, looks like **** with short hair though) I wish I could give more examples of this horrendously bad hair cut. Alas, I could not find any easily attainable pictures of examples.

There are rare circumstances where a woman can wear short hair if she has a chubby face... but speaking from experience. It just doesn't look good. I've had short hair, and regardless of how skinny I get, my face is still chubby. When my hair was short, I looked way too damn butch.

Notice how in the pictures above, most of the women had oval shaped faces?

It may be your particular fetish, but you're the only one that seems to agree with it.

http://hair-styles.net/short-hair-styles.htm (scroll to the bottom of the page and it lists suggested styles.)

(Sorry for the long hair rant.)

[edited to include link]

I disagree with the football being sucky *i love the sport *i play the sport* its the best game in the world.

*Second best (though u might not care much for it, Soccer.

Football and Soccer are the best sports in the world (and this is my opinion)

i dislike soccer. it makes me tired
o.O